Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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