If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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