Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
