Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize