that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
