its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
