We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
