I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
