Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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