I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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