I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
