At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
