Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
