True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
