who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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