I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
