Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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