Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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