Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
