I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
