So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's get the cat blown out
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
