The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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