we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
