If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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