I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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