Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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