i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
