Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
