When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
