wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
