I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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