my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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