How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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