It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
