in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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