I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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