I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
