Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize