In America we eat man semen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
