youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
