Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
