I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
