there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
