Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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