You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
