god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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