She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
