It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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