i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
