but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
