she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
