Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
