I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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