Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
