This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
