his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
