Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he shaved USA in his pubs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
