Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
