new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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