4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
