remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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