Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize