I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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