after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
