I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
