Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
