Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
