I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
