I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
