A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
