so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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