there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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