Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
