Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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