Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
