What did we do last night that was yellow?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
