i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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