I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize