just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
