He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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