he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
