But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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