he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need water and some morals
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
