I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
