And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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