She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
