did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
