His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
