DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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