I got chris browned last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
