Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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