I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize