He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
