my shit smells like andre
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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