I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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