how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I color on your dick again?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
