dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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