The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
