The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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